This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
