um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
