I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
