I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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