The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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