I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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