Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
