She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
