so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
