Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
