I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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