FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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