Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
