I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
