Got a toothbrush?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
