Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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