it was like his penis was on wheels.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
