Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
