Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
