What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
