So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
