I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
