so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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