FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
