Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
