if you like me you must not know who I am
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
