A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
