I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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