Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
