i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
