so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
