ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
