I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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