I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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