Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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