She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
