How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
