It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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