D3 body, D1 cock
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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