We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
