I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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