Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
