She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
