Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
