you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
