I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
