Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
