she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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