The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
