things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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