I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
