my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
