The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
