I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
