YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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