You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
