The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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