ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
