just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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