I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
