Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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