we have pet lesbian snakes
one might say we're banned from that church
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
