The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
