help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want her autograph on my taint
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize