can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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