So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
