We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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