Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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