i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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