Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
