So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
