so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
