Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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