THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did I show you my penis last night?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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